Living, Laughing and Loving

Surprise, Surprise...my crazy schedule keeps me away from fun technology more than anyone would like...have no fear it also keeps me away form laundry and cleaning my house as well.  Have no fear every once and awhile I can steal away from a few short minutes to write.

I feel like sometimes...and boy am I guilty of this...we run ourselves down, we burn the candle at both ends, we get too goal focused, we crush other people to get to where we want to be, we run through life and forget to stop and smell the roses, forget to laugh, forget to just take a deep breath and remember why we loved doing things in the first place.

Lucky for me I have been reminded of this almost daily in the recent weeks. 

My days start at about 4:30 when I reluctantly roll out of bed to get ready for work.  At about 5:30 I am in the kitchen trying to make my final preparations to get out the door to head into work.  I work from 6-3 (9 hours), then I head to practice until 5:30/6 then some nights I head to diving lessons or to church or where ever else I have committed to. Bed time rolls around never any sooner than 10:30ish but most nights its 11 or 12, then its rinse and repeat.
We joke that by Friday at 5 I am pretty useless.

It's not an impossible schedule, but I am going to admit it's hard...before you tell me it's not please try getting up day after day at 4:30.

Why do I do this...because at 3:15 every day I walk into a meeting room where more than likely someone is going to make fun of how tired I look, where my mini me is going to make sure I have everything I need for practice, where the crazy group of jumpers I have gathered will take...and I'm not kidding here 348  photos on my phone of themselves making funny faces, they will steal my sunglasses, pry into my nonexistent social life, make fun of how yet another one of my pairs of pants could be ripping 
 
 
...the list could go on.

And it doesn't stop there...just today a really great friend brought me Starbucks to work...just because I needed an extra lift!

These little reminders remind me to stop and smell the rose, smile, laugh, love life.  They remind me to have fun hair, take silly pictures, dance, to catch up, call people on the phone, write letters, send post cards, write...dream...

I would change my crazy life for anything but the reminder to enjoy more of it never hurts.

With Love Always,

Alex

Love Yourself First

I'm not going to lie the last few weeks have sucked.  I believe the comment was made that my life seemed to be a wreck.  Honestly maybe it is...I don't even know anymore...but I'm learning a lot about myself lately so regardless of what has happened I know I will walk away stronger.

Over the summer I was blessed with this amazing opportunity to use my talents for good (rather than evil) and take on promotional work.  This is honestly something that I have always loved and been interested in but never had the opportunity to seriously do long term.  

Now in my life I have never been a person that needed people to pat me on the back or give me public praise and honestly if you know me you know that makes me feel very uncomfortable, but as this new adventure continued I started to notice that I wasn't necessarily being supported either.  Asking for help...input...things that were necessary to make this project successful...very little of that was happening especially from people who were supposed to be my "friends".  Now normally I can just do things myself but unfortunately I'm not super woman...though I really wish I could be.  

I started to suspect that this lack of support was intentional but thought that saying it out loud well, it sounded absolutely crazy.  But then I remembered...that the genius thing about it was that it did sound crazy.  No one would believe me...that's what makes it brilliant.  

After months of being worn down, not supported...being systematically set up to fail...being yelled at during work by someone who was supposed to protect me and help me...I walked away.

Sometimes you have to know when the bridge isn't worth being saved...so I found the matches.  

It's funny only one person even remotely believed me but I will tell you this...now that I am gone the pictures I have been asking for are magically there...the information I needed is free flowing...seems like I was right.

At the end of the day what matters most isn't that I was right in thinking that two of the most beloved people were unsupportive, that people who should helped me wouldn't...it's that I loved myself enough to walk away.  To lay all my cards on the table and tell everyone that I am more important than these mind games, that I will not be subjected to this crap any longer and most importantly you can not control me, tell me what to do or intimidate me.

I told you 2015 was going to be my year...you can't stop me and I don't need you to get in the way of my happiness any longer.

Everyday I realize that some of my "friends" aren't actually my friends but the few I escaped with...well they are clearly fireproof.

With Love Always,

Alex

True Friends

So the people in my close circle of friends know how tough this week has been...honestly I have always had issues trusting people and this week has proved yet again that people can't be trusted. But just when I felt like everything was coming crashing down I saw what could only be explained as the ray of sunshine that is hope that things will work out...that things will get better and I will not let gossip...slander or anything else bring me down.

True friends...

I don't need hundreds of them...I need just a few. They aren't people who are fake...honestly I really don't need everyone to get them or understand them or like them.  

They are the people who hear me when I say I'm hurting...and fix what feels broken.

They are the people who think of an idea and rather than running with it themselves hand it off to you because they know it will let you shine in an area you naturally accel at.

They make themselves available to you when you need to talk about something that upsets you even when they can offer no solution to you problem what so ever...you just needed to say things out loud so you didn't explode.

They tell you when people are spreading lies about you...

They love you...

They pick you up when you are down...

They make you laugh...

They tell you that you are beautiful...

They encourage you to stay sassy even if people shame you for it.

They encourage you to be creative...

They support you...

They are your cheerleaders...

They ask you to come with...

I may not have a bunch of people who are much closest friends but I'm completely fine with the ones I have.

I can honestly say that this week would have been impossible without them.

With Love Always,

Alex

A new notebook

Never underestimate the power a new notebook can have on someone who is creative...its like telling someone with a shopping problem they can have new shoes...the possibilities to them are endless.  The possibilites and the things they can do can be just what they needed after a long day or what they needed to pull them out of a rut they were in.  

Well as much as I wish I were a shopaholic (only because I wear the same clothes all the time) I am the creative side to this scenerio.  So how did I get to a place that I needed to be reinspired you ask....well allow me to tell you.

I've spent the last few years working with people who I thought supported me and who were my friends and as time goes on and as I grow wiser I am starting to realize that these people that I thought were so amazing are actually at the heart of it all...mean girls.  Now what is a mean girl you ask...well they are the girls who do things to systematically tear you down, to drive you crazy, to wear on you...but they do it so that people don't catch on....so that when you inform people of this you can't always explain it...or that maybe you don't have hard proof...or they just jab at you little by little so that when you explode you look like the bad guy instead of them...which is exactly what they want.  

These types of girls (and they can be guys as well) are typically people who are favored and well liked by a lot of people so it's hard for others to see what you are going through.  Most often times this behavior is triggered by them not getting their way in one or two instances and they just want to be right or they want "their order" restored.  

Well this is really starting to wear on me.  I have tried to tell people...I have tried to point it out....all that has happened is that I get more hoops to jump through and they get less.  It's not a situation I want to keep putting myself in. 

Just when I want to walk away from it all I remember that I am actually good at what I do...there are people who actually believe in me and it has never been in my nature to give up becuase of the actions of two.

Which brings me to the notebooks...

I was feeling discouraged yesterday and thought that after everything I could use a small pick me up something to help get all the progress I had made over the last 21 days of prayer (something we did at church) going...I found my creative juices again while I was in those 21 days.  So I went to TJ Maxx and found one notebook for my crazy ideas and one for things that inspire me/things I want to write about. Almost instantly I came up with what I thought was an amazing idea and it came to me so clearly so vivid that I couldn't help but stop and write down every detail in my head.

It is funny...I'm still upset...I'm still hurt...but I have 200 blank pages so the possiblilties seem endless.

      

                                                                                                         With Love Always,

                                                                                                            Alex