A New Year...

As we go through the last few days of 2014 my mind drifts through everything that has happened this past year...a lot has happened...a lot of it good and a lot that I can learn from.

But as I sit and look back I remember that nothing can change from living in the past and that I wanted to go into 2015 with a list of things I wanted to do...

1. Laugh - I want to laugh at myself...I want to laugh when life is funny...I don't want to care who is watching or who is around I just want to laugh at the joy of life.

2. Dance - I want to dance when I'm happy, when I'm sad, in the car, in the shower, waiting for my coffee...when I outsmart someone at work...when I do something dumb...when one of my athletes do something awesome...when I do something awesome...just for the joy of it.

3. Sing - (first I apologize if you hear me sing) I want to sing at the top of my lungs...with my friends...for fun...in the shower...in traffic (that's always fun...people stare)...whenever I feel like singing because it's fun and freeing.

4. Love - I want to love...life, my friends, family, my dog...everything...because of all things I believe that love can conquer all.

5. I want to do life on my schedule - I want to nap if I want to nap...read a book...watch a movie in my pjs at 3 in the afternoon...I want to get back to doing things for the joy of me.

6. I want my mom to lay off how I look...I know I'm beautiful.  I realize that I may not be thin by anyone's standard but I am happy...I go to the gym...I work out...but this year I want to block out the comments and remember what I know to be true...I think I am beautiful inside and out and honestly my opinion is the only one I think really counts at the end of the day.

7. I want to keep my purple hair because it's become a part of me...it's the warning sign that I might be more feisty than I look.  

8.  I want to smile 

9.  I want to take pictures of things that inspire me

10.  I want to cook more

11.  I want to read more

12.  I want to write more

13.  I want to create more

14.  I want to follow my dreams even if they don't pan out I don't care I just want to say that I followed them because at the end of the day we will never know if we can achieve them if we don't try.

15.  I want to fall in love and even if I get my heart broken...I'll be stronger for it.

16. I want to be brave.

17. More honest

18.  More aware of the world around me

19.  I want to let loose 

20.  I want to take more chances

21.  I want to actually try some of the things I pin on pinterest

22. Connect with people more

23.  Take more time for God

24.  Take time to be still

25.  Take time to connect with out of state family

26.  Find more beauty in life than negativity

27.  Be okay with things don't go as planned...keep going regardless...remember that it will all work out in the end.

My dearest friend says that my 27th year would be my year...well maybe he's right...but I guess this list can't hurt things any.

I want to wish everyone reading this a Happy Holidays!  Have a wonderful New Years!

With Love Always,

Alex

The Practical Gift Giving Guide for this 27 Year Old

So I was on my lunch earlier this week and I came across this article about 51 things that a 25 really wants for Christmas.  It was great, so great in fact that I decided to repost it because I thought several of my friends could relate to it.  However as the week has rolled on I began to think of things that should be added or things that I would want.

So here it is...my practical gift giving guide for this 27 year old female.

• A phone that actually has enough storage so that I can take pictures and have apps all at the same time...that would be...wait for it...SMART!
• A fancy laptop so I can actually start building websites and making money on the side because after all single girls need to have some extra cash around to have fun with.
• An endless supply of money on my Starbucks Gold card...I mean I am a Recruitment Advisor...its sort of the stuff we live on.
• Someone to come walk my dog everyday mid afternoon for free not because they have to but because they love me and because they feel bad that everyone is getting on my case because I actually have to work all day instead of play with my dog. 
• Someone to do laundry and fold it and put it away...and that person can't be my mom...and if that person is my mom she can't judge me because I can't do it.
• Someone to clean my house...like every week.  Again the same rules apply for it not being my mother.
• I need extra time to go to the gym and craft without losing time to sleep
• The Jeep to never need gas or an oil change
• The perfect Spotify channel for work, the drive to work, the drive home and getting ready for work or going out...without me having to hunt for it or build it.
• A guy to just grow a pair and tell me how he feels...not just when he's drunk and flirt...or be subtle when flirting...I mean I need clear obvious "Hey Lady I like you!"
• A huge bed...that feels like a cloud
• Someone to laugh at my jokes...like all the time
• A partner in crime...and they don't have to be my boyfriend but just someone who's always down to get into trouble
• Endless amounts to time to watch movies...whether its on Netflix or on TV or at the theaters.  Just all the movies
• A guy to go dancing with...not just when he's drunk...but anytime I want to which is pretty much all the time.

I mean I feel like that covers it...I don't know if any of these things are practical but I really don't care...shoot for the stars right!

With Love Always,

Alex

Hard Lessons In Love

I think if you've met me you know that if one word in the English language stands out to me more than any other word its "love."  I think it came be overused, I think its special, it can be powerful, it can heal and it can save.  The most important thing is, that at the end of the day, it's one of the few things I believe in absolutely. 

Well I have learned some hard lessons in it recently...but sometimes love is hard and I think you have to go through struggles sometimes to be happy.

If there is one thing I can't stand, its the people who say they love you, they are your friends and do things to purposely make you look dumb or insufficient.  I have never felt that love needs or should be about having a hidden agenda.  If you have something to say you should just say it.  Unfortunately, the people who just say what we think, or how we feel often get labeled as trouble makes, or  instigators but I would rather be labeled as such and know that at the end of the day you know exactly...and I do mean exactly how I feel then to allow someone to have power over me.  And I truly feel like that...I feel like when you go behind someone's back or when you do things to set them up to fail while leading them to believe you love them you hold power over them.  It's not a power I believe we should have over each other and it's not a power I want to have taken from me or to have over anyone else.

I have learned that love can't be compromised but you have to compromise once you have it.
I have so many friends who are with people just because they have to be.  It hurts to see my friends unhappy with these people but they can't bring themselves to do what they need to do to be happy for themselves even though no one in their relationship is happy.  I think there is another side to this that in order to have love we must compromise.  I have been in handful of situations that people will tell me how and when something will be....how I will act, when something will go down...that's not love in any form.  Love meets in the middle...where both parties feel loved, happy, like they were heard, appreciated and that no one was taken advantage of.  

Love is loving yourself and feeling free.  I joke that I'm not ready for a relationship and honestly I really haven't been.  I wasn't happy where I was...stressed out...literally losing hair from the stress of work...some of which I am sure was self inflicted...feeling trapped in a never ending cycle of being stuck in a job that wasn't going to go anywhere after being passed up for a job that everyone thought was mine.  And then one leap of faith changed the path I was on and put new life into my day.  Now its not like I'm saving the world...and even if I was I couldn't tell you because that would go against some hero code or some top secret clearance.  But the point being this change started the ball rolling...or maybe it was the hair that started the change...the world may never know...but being truly happy and just waking up everyday happy that I can go to work without being stressed...though we still need to figure out how to tell the one department I'm a girl...to go home at the end of the day and be done with work and do whatever I need to do without worrying about work stuff is amazing.  For the first time in a long time I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, feeling unstoppable. Someone asked me how I liked my new job the other night...when I responded they asked if I was being sarcastic.  I was shocked and replied quickly with no.  But it occurred to me that this feeling of being light and free is so new to me that it must look crazy to everyone around me.  
So I mentioned that I felt like up until now I felt like I could not have been in a relationship because I was too stressed and bogged down.  I'm not saying sign me up but I'm saying that in order to even consider loving others you have to first love yourself.  I've always loved myself...but now I feel love...and could finally be open to it if it found me.

Change isn't easy...I don't think love is either...but I think there as parts of love that are.  I think we can challenge ourselves to love everyday.  To be upfront with the people we say we love, to not compromise our happiness but to compromise when it matters...when its in love...and to be free and to feel love even if it's for one small part of our day.

With Love Always,

Alex