I don't know about you but I think sometimes that we get ourselves in a rut and we don't know how we got in it or how to get out of it. We are just there and it is not like anyone can talk us out of it or help us out of it because it is not obvious that we are in it. It's like a routine we get in, get up, go to work, go home, sleep and the feelings that are associated with that routine also become routine.
I feel like that's been me for the past few months. I have done the same thing day in and day out expecting a different result...a different emotion or reaction to life and it just wasn't happening. And it's not like I knew that I was in a rut or anything and I wasn't going around saying that I was either. I just went about my business...slowly trying new things...first it was the dog, Maverick, then the hair...it's sort of red and awesome if you haven't seen it, and while those things make me happy and I love them, they still became part of my routine.
Yesterday something happened...and I am still trying to figure out what that something is exactly so this may not make sense at all...but like a volt of electricity being passed through me I just feel alive, awake and excited about everything again. I didn't know I was in a rut before yesterday but now that I feel like me again I know I was. All I did was let loose and take a chance and see what could happen if I did...its funny how life works sometimes.
For the first time in a long time I felt okay with something failing miserably and exciting with the possibility of what could happen. It's nice to have that feeling running through your veins making you feel so alive.
I think that is the problem with routine and being safe sometimes, it's just that...safe. It is predictable and you know what will happen and you become content with what happens in the day to day even if you are not okay with it. Taking risks is risky but taking risks is what makes you feel alive. Now lets go ahead and clarify that I'm not telling you to go jump off a cliff or do something reckless...I'm talking about getting up in front of your friends and lip syncing to Lady Gaga and dancing around like a goof or having the courage to be honest with someone after years of holding back. (Non-life threatening risks people!)
It feels good to feel good again...I'm sitting here in my office with my high heels on and my red lipstick drinking my coffee ready to take on the world...or at least the work I should be doing right now!
With Love Always,
Alex
Two weeks ago my life changed forever...no I did not get engaged, married, have a child, or die (that would be crazy if I had while still being able to blog though!) No in almost all seriousness...my life changed when I adopted a two year old dog named Foxy...however Foxy for a boy dog doesn't really work nor was he responding to Foxy so clearly the logical thing to do was to ask him if he wanted a new name. I was sitting with "Foxy" and asked him, "do you want a new name" and of course the kiss on the cheek I got clearly meant yes! So what did I name him you ask...well you should now this because I told you in the last post but here it is again...Maverick! I'm a huge Top Gun fan...like huge! Maverick loves his new name and responds to it more than he did Foxy! I think it was a win-win!
So we have had some issues with Maverick and his crate situation and by situation I mean he hates them. The first crate we had was too small for him so we went out and bought him a bigger one...in his first escape attempt he tried to shred my favorite beach towel. The second attempt he managed to destroy the bottom of the cage entirely. So I had to go out and buy him a brand new crate (yes this is the third crate in two weeks).
So while at lunch a co-worker of mine brought up the topic of money and pets. Originally I stayed out of it entirely knowing I have a new dog at home and that I am not exactly rolling in the dough right now. As the conversation progressed we were talking about the thousands of dollars people spend on their pets verses what else they "should" spend it on. Still the whole time I am trying to stay out of it. Well I strike up a conversation with one of the other people at lunch thanking them for helping me out giving me a few extra shifts for some extra money in the coming month...WORST.IDEA.EVER! Any hope I had of making it out of there alive was now so far gone. All eyes were on me faster than you could imagine. So then of course the question came up, "So let me ask you this you just adopted a dog, but you need money why would you put yourself in that situation?" To be honest I didn't really have a good answer and maybe the answer I stayed up thinking about last night still isn't good enough but here it goes:
Sometimes we do "stupid" things and let me be very and extremely clear when I say stupid...by stupid I mean something that I want to do that you don't agree with. At the end of the day life happens, there is no redo button and the decisions we make are the ones we live with and learn from. Sometimes we have to make decisions with our hearts not with our heads. Now I am well aware of the counter argument here would be that would be, "in life you need to make those decisions with your head not your heart." But here is the thing...I am not you. I am in a different place in my life not only because of our age (and by that I mean you could be my mother) but of our life experiences. I am a single twenty something woman who is on her own, trying to figure out life, working with people who have experienced so much more life than I have, who's friends are moving to all ends of the earth without me. I work hard and yes I don't have much to show for it but can you honestly tell me that when you were 25 you have every detail figured out? I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. And can anyone sit there and say that they have never done anything "stupid" because I would go out on a limb and say they are lying.
So while maybe I haven't answered the question as to why maybe the more important thing to remember is that sometimes being smart isn't fun and doesn't make you happy. I love Maverick, he's happy to see me everyday when I come home. We play and cuddle and every morning when I wake up I have someone who is so happy to see me (other than my roomie). At the end of the day I will take happy and broke over having money in the bank and the feeling like something is missing from my life.
With Love Always,
Alex
